So Much To Talk Abaout.....

So why haven't I done it? I really do not have a real good excuse but my life has gotten a bit crazy especially the last three or four weeks. After arriving in NM I had a lot of things to get in order. My hubby and I accomplished finding a place to live. We got our fridge and pantry stocked appropriately. We began acquiring some cleaning appliances for the house that we did not have. We basically set up house without most of out household goods since they were still stored in Greensboro NC until we could get them transported. I found my needed support group to hang with a couple of times a month. I found somewhat gainful employment working as an extra in film. And found a part time position as a personal assistant.
So what is so crazy now? Our household goods arrived just before Labor Day Weekend. We emptied our PODS and sent them back. Now we can only fit one car in the garage instead of two. I am still unpacking boxes a couple at a time in the house and almost have them done. I can tackle the garage stuff next I think.
I spent a four day extended weekend in New Orleans with a wacky bunch of gals I know both personally and online. That was all kinds of fun and I would do it again in a heartbeat. I even tasted oysters for the first time. They were baked (I don't eat sushi either) and I was surprised that I actually liked them. I also found out that I can have a shot of whiskey and handle it okay. I even drank a mixed Southern Comfort drink and survived that New Orleans style LOL! The craziest thing I did was to sing karaoke very badly. I never could sing but I had to make a fool out of myself somehow. I wanted to ride the mechanical bull but I chickened out on that one. I hope I get another chance though because I think it could be fun to try it.
I arrived home from my much enjoyed mini vacation on Monday morning. My generous boss picked me up from the airport and dropped me off at home. I did not have to work that day and was glad for a little recovery time. But I did attend my acting class Monday night. I turn my cell phone off for the class and forgot to turn it back on. That was not a good thing because I missed an important text from the hubby. He had been taken to emergency at the hospital downtown. This was the beginning of a tough week for me though it was really tougher for him so I should not at all complain. He had a mild heart attack and he was kept at the hospital for five days. I finally got to bring him home on Friday afternoon. He was not released for work until last night. I worried too much about him and did not sleep well knowing he might have another heart attack if his stress level goes up. But he trooped through his first night back and said he did fine except for occasional twinges from time to time? He says he continues to have them. This sucks for him and I am on worry watch now. I only hope his cardio and PCP figure out how to help him and get him back to what he considers normal. So until that happens I guess I don't get to have normal either.
Was that a complaint? I suppose it was. I really don't want to be a whiner. But I did hope for a normal life for a while longer now that I have my health back. It seems so unfair to be healthy and feel good when my husband of nearly 32 years is feeling so bad. I want better for him than this. i hope we can find it for him.
Through all of this I am continuing to lose weight and am down today to 144.5 pounds. This puts me only ten pounds away from a normal BMI. I am continuing to get my protein first and take all of my vitamins. And I have stepped up my H2O intake. I am doing everything I can to keep my health since without it I can't help my ole man. Thanks for listening.

The Waiting Game or AKA Limbo

I dislike waiting for anything. I am not a very patient person. To make matters worse I find myself waiting for several things and even though the end result will most likely be satisfactory, I just don’t like the edge of my seat feeling I am getting from this waiting.

First, I am waiting for my grades to be officially posted. I have a pretty good idea of what they are but until I see it in the actual can’t take it back transcript report in about two days from now I will absolutely drive myself crazy. I feel stuck in mud and cannot move forward. My family thinks I am a bit crazy because of this but it is my neurosis and dammit, I claim it as my own.

Second part of all this that is driving me a little crazy is, I do not know where I am going to school in the fall. I will not know for at least another week or so. My hubby has been out of work for the last two years and has had nearly zero interviews during most of that time.  Seems his industry has gotten a bit more productive and now his phone has not stopped ringing. He has interviews by phone set up with now several companies this week and two of them today alone. The locations include Utah. Oregon, New Mexico, here in NC, and Texas. Any one of these jobs would get us back on track and that is a good thing. It can take a month or more for the hiring process to complete so I feel I am limbo, not knowing where I will be living in two months and/or where to sign up for my classes. On top of that I have a great class schedule all lined up for fall right here so I do not want to drop those classes until I know what is next. I did drop my only two summer classes I had lined up though. No matter what happens, I am certain this summer will be way too crazy for school even if it is just an English and PE class. Still it breaks my heart a little to take this hiatus from classes for the summer. No matter what though, I will be back to it in the fall even if I have to pay out of state tuition.  Fortunately, for my dear hubby, he is a baby boomer and will be able to retire in just a few more years. I just want to complete my degree before he does so I can pay the bills with my degree.

Food? What Food? I Have to Eat food?

I am not sure I would qualify as a Bariatric Bad Girl or not but since the ones I know best are asking us long timers to blog a typical day of eating I thought why not?

I should not be held up as an example of what is proper in the eating department I am not excited by food. I don’t experiment with recipes and I am not creative in the kitchen. Other than watching Alton Brown I hate cooking shows on TV.

My day starts at around 5:30 to 6 am. I have 12 ounces of a warm protein drink I make every morning before I eat or drink anything else. I also have my supplements at this time. This drink is the only creation in the kitchen I have ever come up with and I have tweaked it to perfection for my taste. I heat up 12 ounces of nonfat milk with a splash of SF vanilla syrup in the microwave. This has 12 grams of protein. After getting it to around 125 degrees, I stir in 3 or 4 packets of PurVia and two tablespoons of unsweetened cocoa. I stir in one scoop of Unjury unflavored protein (20 grams protein). I top this off with canned whipped cream. This comes to under 250 calories. I am good to go with this for about 2 to 2.5 hours.

Between 7:30 and 8:30, I have breakfast and I make sure it is solid food even if I don’t feel like it. I always have one egg either scrambled or boiled. With this, I will have a piece of sausage or two slices of bacon. If that’s not available then the egg has to do.

Between 10 and 11 am, I will have a piece of fruit such as a cup of grapefruit or a banana. With it I will have either a RTD Isopure plus zero carb drink or a piece of cheese.

Around 1:30 or 2:00 I have another cocoa drink.

Around 4 pm I will have a V8 juice or an avocado. I may also have some cheese.

More often than not, I do not really eat any dinner. But, when I can I will have a piece of steak, as much as I can comfortably eat at around 6 to 7 pm. I may have a little veggie and rice with it. Or, maybe I have some chili if I have it available. But, I have to cook that and I don’t cook much. However, usually I just have another protein drink (yep the cocoa again). I make sure I have a minimum of 100 grams of protein a day.

Now to keep this honest and real, I have to let you know I am not compliant with all the rules. I will eat candy but pay for it so I don’t do it often. I will eat all kinds of treats but only small amounts lest there be a crash in my blood sugars. I drink those 5 hour energy drink things several times a week but no more than one in a day. I will buy a coke from time to time and sip from it a few ounces at a time over a week until it’s gone. (That would be a 20 ounce size and not diet.) I have given up biscuits completely because they aren’t worth the crappy feeling I get from them and other bread. I will eat crackers with cheese from time to time and I keep an emergency stash of peanut butter crackers around at all times but don’t snack on them because they are boring. They do serve a purpose though when my blood sugar tanks below 60. I am a total sucker for birthday cake and cupcakes with the piled up frosting and will eat them if they are around. I do have to deal with the consequences though and just accept it and eat it anyway. I will eat a little bit of brownie when my husband or kids make them but I don’t get too excited by them and find I can ignore them usually after a small square.

I do not choose to revolve my life around food and try to just eat what I have too to stay alive. Sugar was always my downfall and now still is but in a different way. Like many others, I have gone from being a Type II diabetic to being somewhat hypoglycemic. I eat to prevent to hypoglycemic feeling. If that didn’t happen I would not care to eat that much. As long as sugary foods are out of sight, I don’t think about having them. If they are around I will want to eat at least a little of it. My day is full of school, my dogs and homework. Food has become something I need but don’t really think about until I need it for the most part. It’s just the way I am. I don’t know what normal is but it is my new normal.

Clothes and other options

As a teen and young adult, I had a style of dressing that was probably inappropriate but I had a body for that then. Moreover, at that time it was somewhat okay to dress somewhat sexy and show a little bit of midriff and all. Then I got fat and had to learn how to dress a completely different way. First, I was a mom and a wife (still am of course) so I changed my look accordingly. No more sex kitten attire as that was just juvenile and then the fatter I got well it would have just been gross. Problem was I never really learned how to dress beyond sweats and stretchy pants and oversized shirts. Face it my body just did not feel like a fashion body. The best I could do was to sport really good hair.

Now that my body has recovered from being oversized, and my muscles have been toned up to go with it, I still don’t know how to dress it. It’s nice that I am a size eight or even in some cases a size six, but the skin suit is still at least a size eighteen for heaven’s sakes! Tailoring it isn’t an option (have you seen the cost of plastic surgery?) so what’s an older gal to do? I am too old for the cute look and I wouldn’t show off my midriff now anyway on a bet. Where is Stacy or Clinton when you need them? How do you find a style that works for the new busy life of the full time student in her fifties? Is it even possible to be hip at my age?

Jeans are a conundrum for me. I have several pairs of jeans, but the style doesn’t seem to work for me quite right. The girls are wearing their jeans really low cut and, well, I suffer from a bit of the muffin top issue with the oversized skin suit thing going on. Then there is something called jeggings. They are kind of a jean/legging thing. They are really comfy and do rise higher but after twenty minutes of wearing them they sag in all the wrong places. Sigh! Then I found a jean that is made for older women and I bought one pair to try. They fit really well when I got them (size eight) and so I went back and got the last two pair in that size. But, I have short legs and have to have them hemmed and now they are too big. They don’t have any in size six left and I don’t know if they will ever get any more of them in. Again, it is a conundrum finding clothes and on top of that, I can’t just go out and buy clothes. I am a starving student after all.

Okay so I have ranted well enough about the bottom half but I have much more to say about dressing the top half too. Now that I desperately need things with the three quarter length sleeves, they have gone out of style and therefore, out of the stores. Where are the cute tops with the empire waistlines that are flattering when you have that little extra fluff in the middle? The fashion show that says my body type needs this doesn’t tell you where they found them. This should be fun but it’s not. Shopping for clothes is still a nightmare except that I get to have my nightmare in normal size clothing stores. Don’t get me started on bras because that is a whole other blog.

At some point, someone is going to have to take me by the hand and teach me how to find clothes that are appropriate for my age that look professional and attractive without looking completely ridiculous. Do those clothes exist? I hope so.